Reaching a ripe old age I have recently discovered that all the odds and ends and tidbits that my Texas Rancher Granddaddy said to me have turned out to be more or less worthy of remembering. To that end I am in the process of writing a book titled, Granddaddy Says^©.

While looking through old notes, correspondence and childhood memories I found that most of the things he said have different meanings to me now than years ago. Some are real quotes attributed to famous and not so famous persons, some appear to be Texas idioms and some just my Granddaddy’s method of keeping me in line.

In his eighties he mentioned that “the old man’s face in the mirror was not his but he shaved it every morning just to be polite”. I get up in the morning and throw makeup on the face of the stranger in the mirror cause I wanna be polite too.

When I saw my grandsons in January I remembered that “there is no such thing as a hug that is too big or too small”. While listening to some guys catching fish and telling tales about the big ones that got away I finally understood what Granddaddy told me when I was about eight. When I questioned him about why his buddies were describing the small catfish they caught as “a really huge critter” he said, “Girlie…to a man six inches is ENORMOUS”.

There was a lot of truth in these tidbits, “If you didn’t learn to drive on a tractor, you didn’t learn” or “Sittin’ on the porch watching the tornado coming is never a good idea”. On the other hand sipping tea with lime in the heat of the day on the porch was the intelligent thing to do. “When a puppy licks your hand then goes on your rug you know the Creator has a sense of humor” or “If hummingbirds were the size of crows, we would all have to run for cover”.

Granddaddy taught me a lot and at the time I didn’t even know I was learning, I was the sponge sucking up all he had to offer. He explained that Texas Rangers are the oldest state law enforcement agency in the U.S. The original Ranger badges were silver dollars with a star shaped hole cut in center. Legend says a Ranger had to cut that hole with his teeth, if he succeeded he was tough enough to be a Ranger.

“Never bend over in the goat pen…Climbing a tree is good for you…If there is no blood and you are breathing you’ll be fine”. The truth in “You really appreciate the water if you have to dig the well”, is real, things I have worked really hard for are more precious. Guys should remember, “A woman who puts up with your snoring is worth more than Fort Know”.

Even though I have heard this one all my life the moment I first heard it is etched in my mind as I was being blamed for something I didn’t do, “Life’s not fair…then you die”. Yes no truer words are spoken except “If they can’t look you in the eye…turn around and go home”.

“Watching goats teaches us how to dance, mules on the other hand just teach us to say NO”. Even though he professed to be a rancher not a cowboy I have always felt his wisdom was the ideology of cowboys of old, “ If you work for the brand, ride for the brand”, “Care for your horse first” or one of my favorites, “Tip your hat to everyone…you never know when you may need a loan”.

Last of all, “If you’re gonna drive girlie, drive a truck or stay home…”

Sometimes I find myself depressed by the winter grey in Central Texas, may as well live someplace like Seattle! Then a sparkling blue day pops up and I feel rejuvenated, my need to get out and about increases, unfortunately the outside cleanup that was on hold through the rain beckons but my truck is in for repairs so hauling trash luckily will have to wait.

Up and down the roads here in the Oatmeal/Bertram area I see ranch hands picking up trash, hauling soggy hay and in general looking after the livestock, the weather report for tomorrow is more than likely, rain, ugh! Ratty, dirty pickups are everywhere.

Often on grey days I find myself drawn to the local library wherever I am, I have researched in the best and some of the most unusual libraries in the states. Library of Congress in D.C., Seattle, Denver, Bozeman, Taos, Santa Fe, Austin, Los Angeles, Fairbanks, UCLA, USC, U of MT, U of AK and a Carnegie Donated Library in a small Colorado mining town, population 450 and now Bertram, Texas. I have discovered that the local facility is getting new digs, yup that’s right folks, a fantastic new building due to open late 2010. More about that in a few weeks, today is about trucks. I went to the library to look up items on TRUCKS!

I was in the City Weird recently for a meeting and pulled into the parking lot lookin’ for a spot, I passed truck after truck, old, new, fancy, dirty, loaded and so forth, I’ve lived all over and states like Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, New Mexico and parts of Arizona rival Texas in truck population but nowhere do trucks reflect their owners more than in the Lone Star state. I was reminded of something I read years ago and that brought me to the Library to use the net looking for a book called How to Be Texan by Michael Hicks. In print a great description of the difference between Texas city and country trucks as follows:

The only absolutely stock trucks in Texas belong to Corporations, the rest are fitted with various extras and that can tell you about the profession, tastes and predilections of the owners. City trucks invariably have a fitted tool box in the bed. Country trucks have tools spread around liberally on the floor and dash of the cab for quick access. Rural drivers like to recall events in their lives by the dents in their trucks and will seldom take the trouble of having one removed, regarding it as a sign of character.

City truck drivers consider a dent to be defacement.  City trucks have four-wheel drive (possibly for negotiating the treacherous parking garage ramps in the Galleria). Rural drivers view four-wheel drive as laughable (if you really get stuck, you’ll need a tractor to get you out). City trucks are washed and have heavy-duty everything. Country trucks are much more organic and look as if gypsies and small animals live in them. Country trucks have Texas literally stuck all over them.

This quote is still current thirty years later, I drive a pickup that fits somewhere in the middle which also includes various K9 necessities for my best friends. Years ago when my kids were young we had a neighbor who owned a Chevrolet Dealership in our small community. He always said “FORD is a four letter word”, he would be disappointed in me!

So driving round and round the crowded parking lot on a deadline I started counting trucks, 1, 2, 3, 60 etc. Looked like trucks outnumbered cars at least six to one, well this was the capital of TEXAS after all. Surprisingly more than half fit in the “Country” category and I found myself mentally picturing the owners. Ahh Haa a well dressed man in a spiffy business suit carrying a brief case stepped into my line of sight, at last a potential parking space! All I had to do was follow him without being too obvious to his Cadillac or Beamer and I could stop the endless circling.

Up one isle, down the next, a shiny black Caddie was looming, I knew it; the guy was most likely in Politics and on his way to the next fundraiser as he worked his way up the ladder. Pulling keys from his pocket he stopped beside the vehicle, turned and indicated to me that the space was mine, got in, started up, pulled out and meandered out of the lot in his colorless, mud caked ANCHIENT Ford truck, smoke spewing from the tail pipe and bits of hay flying from the bales in the back…the last thing I saw was the bumper sticker, “Keep Austin Weird, Y’all”.

Charming towns. Blended cultures. Unforgettable people. Grab a pint or a Pinot and soak it all in. This video from the Texas Tourism board showcases a little about Burnet County. Check it out!

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